


O Captain! Wrong Captain!

by LadyStrange



Category: Fantastic Four (Movies 2005-2007), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brief Johnny/Tony, Drunk Tony, Drunken Kissing, Halloween Costumes, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nick Fury is Not Amused, Post-Avengers (2012), STEVE ROGERS' ASS, Star Trek References, Steve Rogers Feels, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 18:16:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18665755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyStrange/pseuds/LadyStrange
Summary: Steve was turned the other side, chatting with Reed and his fiancée, wearing his Captain America costume, those wonderful thighs and his perfect round ass not looking the best tonight, but then again, knowing Steve, the guy was probably wearing a fake version of his costume not to ruin the real one. The shield was a fake version too, Tony noted as he stepped closer. A good imitation but not the real one. Tony would know.





	O Captain! Wrong Captain!

He wasn’t drunk.

No matter what everyone thought, Tony knew his limits. He had many many years of practicing with booze and he could tell when he was drunk. He wasn’t drunk now.

See, Tony had this infallible method of telling ever since college: if he could remember more than four lines of coding of JARVIS, then he was not drunk.

And right now, as he entered the hall of SHIELD HQ for the Halloween party, he could remember about six so not drunk, thank you very much.

That said, he wasn’t really sober either.

 

Tony had been to the Stark Industries party earlier that evening and got a few drinks with the R&D team. Then he went home and got a couple drink more to calm down: it wasn’t often one planned to make a move of Captain America. Finally, he changed into his pirate costume and well, a costume so elaborate and detailed would be wasted if Tony didn’t put real grog into his flask, right? Historical accuracy.

 

So now he was walking into the crowded room where the celebration was being held, swaying ever so slightly.

Tony was wearing light brown breeches cut to the knee; his black leather boots covered the rest of his legs; his shirt was bright red, closed with drawstrings on the sleeves and the front (for easy access); a large black belt over a red sash, a cutlass hanging from his side, a black vest and a tricorn hat finished the look.

He could have gone full Captain Sparrow on the look but that costume was overrated, uncomfortable and his beard was much better, thank you very much.

For the occasion he put on a small ponytail hair extension and pulled out from the safe the most garish jewels his mother owned –all in gold, ça va sans dire – to give that extra touch.

And, of course, he was also wearing an eyepatch. Which, to be quite honest, was not helping much with his balance.

 

“Stark! Nice costume!”

Clint commented and Tony tipped his hat at him, stumbling over to where the archer was, dressed as a cowboy, and grinned.

“You too, Barton. This is Comic-con worthy. Love the guns.”

“They’re real.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. So is my blade, it’s a piece from my father’s collection.” Tony hummed, taking the short sword from its sheath and showing it to the other. “The old man loved all kinds of weapons.”

Clint took the sword, examining it carefully. “Cool! You should show me sometimes.”

“Only if you promise not to steal anything.”

 

Tony winked and put the sword back on his side, turning some to look at the room. “Say, you got eyes on the Captain, Hawk?” He murmured as he took his flask from a pocket and took a sip, the liquor burning some in his throat.

“Rogers?” Clint frowned and looked around some. “Don’t know. Any idea what he might be dressed as?”

“Said he’d be coming as my favorite Captain.”

Clint arched a single brow at that, blue eyes moving up and down Tony. “Your favorite Captain?”

“Yep.”

“You guys finally getting onto something?” Clint asked. “It’s been five months, it’s about time.”

Tony shrugged a little. “Maybe. If I play my cards right.” He chuckled. “So. Any Cap around?”

“I’ve seen a couple Captain America by the bar. Pretty sure one is Phil, same costume every year.”

“Agent America. Cool.”

Both of them laughed, Tony even offered the other a couple sips from his flask before he wandered off towards the bar to get a drink and see if he could spot Steve somewhere.

 

Hill and Natasha were near the bar, chatting amicably, the first dressed as a hockey player and the other as some manga character, sporting a black short wig. Both looked absolutely stunning and terrifying.

“M’ladies.” Tony bowed for them as he leaned against the counter next to them and drummed his rings on the shiny surface to get the attention of the bartender. “Scotch on the rocks.” He ordered.

“Tony.” Natasha greeted in a cold tone but the corner of her lips was raised, the only sign of her amusement and affection. “You smell like a true pirate.” She informed.

“Now now, that’s not nice, is it?” Tony chuckled, knowing she was referring to the alcohol. He took a very throughout shower, just in case. “And here I came just to compliment your lovely outfits.”

Natasha snorted loudly. “Last time I saw Steve he was talking to Reed.”

“Reed is here?”

Maria nodded towards the other side of the room. “Do you guys know each other?”

“They’re both asshole genius, they’re probably besties.” Natasha said and Tony should have been offended but he could – somehow- tell she was just teasing him. He was becoming rather good at reading her signals. That, and it was kinda true. He and Reed had known each other since childhood. Long before becoming superheroes through accidents that should have killed them.

“Would I ever be friend with someone that calls himself Mr. Fantastic?” Tony asked with a wide smirk, taking his drink and starting to make his way over.

 

Then, while he was distracted complimenting Bruce on his costume as a 50’s cop, that he spotted him.

Gorgeous.

Steve was turned the other side, chatting with Reed and his fiancée, wearing his Captain America costume, those wonderful thighs and his perfect round ass not looking the best tonight, but then again, knowing Steve, the guy was probably wearing a fake version of his costume not to ruin the real one. The shield was a fake version too, Tony noted as he stepped closer. A good imitation but not the real one. Tony would know.

 

It was in moments like this that his genius created the perfect opportunities.

Tony, like the best chess player, was always planning four moves ahead. And with Steve it was a real challenge since the Captain was also a very good strategist.

But right now Steve was distracted and Tony could take the chance and surprise him, sweep him off his red boots.

 

Tony and Steve had been flirting ever since they stopped trying to punch one another and mourning the un-dead agent Agent.

Steve came over the day after the battle of New York to help him clean up the penthouse and Tony showed up at his tiny SHIELD apartment two days later to take the trackers off Steve’s new ride. They parted for a while. Tony moving to California as his Tower was fixed and Steve going off to travel the country.

They kept in touch via texts and mails and Steve eventually arrived to the west coast and stopped by. Tony took him to see Hollywood and they spent a couple weeks in his house there before both decided it was time to get back home to New York.

The Tower was finally finished and Tony offered the Avengers a place to live.

Bruce immediately took him up on the offer. Steve took a while to convince.

Cut to a couple months later and the three of them would have weekly movie nights with Pepper and Rhodey. Bruce took it upon himself to educate Steve to the food of the world, taking him to all sorts of ethnic restaurant while Tony took care of his pop culture education, showing Steve movies, talking about politics, science, and books.

Recently, Steve and Tony started watching Star Trek together and their lovely Captain was a sucker for the team dynamics and stories of a planet united in peace under a same flag that traveled the universe to explore the unknown. It quickly became their thing. Most nights than not Tony would find himself sprawled on Steve’s couch, sharing a blanket and snacks.

The light flirting quickly became heavy flirting and the casual touches turned into cuddling.

When the invites for the Halloween party arrived, Tony started joking about dressing up all slutty and sexy for Steve and he replied he would dress up as his favorite Captain then. He even winked as he did.

So here was Tony.

Liquid courage in his system and ready to cross that ultimate line and make the good Captain his.

 

“Hey handsome!”

Tony exclaimed as he took Steve’s hand, turning him around and planting a kiss on his lips, hard and passionate, one hand moving to his neck and the other to his hip.

Steve kissed back, with much more experience than Tony had anticipated, hands landing with no hesitation on his shoulders.

 

“Uhm…Tony?”

Tony ignored whoever was clearing her throat and kept kissing his Captain, tugging him in to deepen the kiss. Weird, he thought Steve was taller than this.

“Tony.”

His hand moved to Steve’s glorious ass and…there wasn’t much to squeeze there. Oh, fuck!

“Tony!”

 

Tony pulled back just as someone called him for the third time, lifting his gaze to find Sue Storm next to him, her expression less than pleased. Tony’s gaze moved back to the man he was kissing and sure enough, that was not Steve in the Cap uniform but Johnny Storm. Jesus, those two could pass up for twins!

“Hey, beautiful!”

Tony quickly tried to recover from his mistake, leaning in and kissing Sue on the lips, pulling back almost immediately and grinning charmingly. “I’d give you a proper one too but we don’t want to anger the loving boyfriend, do we?” He joked, winking over to an unimpressed Reed Richards in a Lancelot costume. “Cool armor!” He added. “Call me if you ever want a real one.” He joked, tipping his hat for Sue and then again for Johnny, who was smirking smugly at him.

 

Tony started walking away from them, aware of the gazes following him. He wandered back to the bar where Natasha mercifully didn’t laugh of him, just raised a delicate finger to point one of the hallways.

“He’s not dressed as Captain America.” She added when Tony started heading towards the familiar white red and blue.

Right.

“Captain! Looking good today!”

Tony exclaimed, spanking the Cap he already reached before he could change route to make it pass like a playful joke.

Coulson turned to look at him. He did not buy it.

“Stark…”

“I know. You taze me if I don’t walk away.”

“I’m just grateful you didn’t kiss me.”

 

Tony let out an awkward laugh and quickly walked away in the direction Natasha suggested.

Steve wasn’t Captain America. Then what did he mean by ‘his favorite Captain’?

 

***

 

Steve felt like a fucking idiot!

He was so stupid.

He really thought Tony wanted more than what they had right now but clearly he had misread the signals. All the flirting and the touching. Steve thought it meant something but clearly, he fooled himself.

Tony was just loving and caring with all his friends. He flirted 24/7 with Natasha and Bruce but he didn’t have a crush on them. And he touched and hugged Rhodey all the fucking time and the two of them were not sleeping together. Fucking moron.

Why would Tony even be interested in him?

Steve was just a sad old man in a body too young. They might be friend but he shouldn’t have fooled himself wanting more.  

 

It just…felt real.

It felt real when they were laying on the beach in California and Tony was talking about the stars and constellations above them.

It felt real as they sat together watching TV and pushing away their nightmares, rambling of a society where war was finally over in every form, a world where the human kind was just that, everyone united as one. As a team.

 

That’s why he was wearing this silly pajama looking Star Trek uniform.

 

He took weeks to find an original phaser and a communicator that didn’t cost as much as his bike. Took his time to find the perfect uniform and the perfect boots to pair with it and the perfect accessories and he even went to a barber to get his hair to look exactly like Captain Kirk just so he could see Tony laugh and be happy and spend the evening together making fun of the agent’s costumes.

He was really looking forward to this.

 

Idiot.

 

Of course, Tony was not interested in him. Why would he when there were so many younger, much more attractive men out there?

Men like Johnny Storm. That stupid asshole. Steve spent just ten minutes with him and already wanted to throw him off a window.

The kid was self-absorbed and arrogant, smart sure but he kept making fun of his family, of Ben especially, in an almost cruel way; he kept flirting with everyone around him, calling them names. He was handsome but very well aware of his physical beauty. Using his powers and his role as Torch to hook up with some cute agent.

He was…

 

“Fuck.”

He was a younger version of Tony.

 

Steve ran a hand through his hair frustrated before he sat down heavily in the large desk chair and leaned back.

He had been talking with a few agents when he saw Tony make out with Storm and he left the party, figuring no one would come look for him in Fury’s office.

He didn’t expect the Director to be the pet type, yet there was an old cat napping on a small couch, looking perfectly at ease on her bed with a couple toys.

Steve gave her a pet as he entered, the cat ignored him and so Steve moved on, not wanting to bother her just because he felt needy and sad and wanted to cuddle something. Last thing he needed now was for Fury’s cat to get angry and scratch him.

 

Steve sat back upright, unsure what to do with himself and all the pent up energy running through his body. On the desk was one of those annoying perpetual motion toys in the shape of various circles moving around one another as planets, Steve reached over to stop it and nearly knocked over a delicate looking model of an airplane. Better not touch anything.

He tried to focus on the pictures around the office, then, but found nothing interesting: a young Fury in an Army uniform, a young Coulson next to a Fury already wearing the eyepatch, a picture of the Avengers after the battle of New York. Fuck. Tony’s hair looked so fluffy and cute in that picture.

 

“You’re pathetic, Rogers.”

He whispered to himself as he stood again and marched over to the window, looking outside with a sigh, getting lost in his thoughts as he stared the dark sky above New York.

 

It was only a few minutes later than he heard a knock on the door and he sighed a little.

“Permission to come aboard, Captain?”

Tony.

 

Steve turned to look at him, a weak smile on his lips. “Granted.”

Tony walked in, his eyes moving around quickly, curiously, memorizing every detail before he glanced down at the cat and he blinked a little.

“Woah, hey kitty.” He said softly, scratching the pet behind the ear delicately before turning back to Steve, moving closer. “Look at you...” He smirked. “Shatner is shaking.”

Steve huffed. “I look awful.”

“I must say…the mustard color doesn’t look particularly flattering. But does it ever?” Tony shrugged. “And, maybe it’s the teenager in me that has a particular kink about this uniform but you look hot, Captain.” He said and reached over, stroking the patch on his chest.

 

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Captain.”  Steve replied, chuckling and reaching over to touch the eyepatch. “Did you pick just to make fun of Fury?” He asked and the look Tony gave him was enough to confirm that.

“Would I ever?”

“Mh. Well…this is awkward, though.”

“Is it?”

“Well, I’m Captain of a spaceship; you’re Captain of a naval ship. Who outranks who?” Steve asked playfully, knowing he shouldn’t flirt but not quite able to stop himself.

 

Tony grinned widely.

“Aw, Stevie. I’m willing to lay down my whole fleet for you.” He purred and put both his hands on Steve’s chest, sliding them up and linking them behind his neck.

This close Steve could smell the alcohol. “Are you drunk?”

Tony paused a long moment and shrugged. “Almost. Five lines. I’m still sober enough to know you’re up here looking all sad because of me.”

“No…it’s not that.”

“Not about me?”

Steve hesitated. “Yeah. But it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I-I…” He smiled sadly. “So, you and Johnny, uh? I didn’t know you guys were that close.”

“About that…”

 

Tony looked almost bashful then, stepping back a little and massaging his temple. “So…when you said you’d be dressing as my favorite Captain…I might have misinterpreted.”

Steve frowned. “What?”

“See…my favorite Captain, all-time favorite, over Captain Crunch even, is not Kirk.”

“I thought you liked Kirk more than Picard.”

“I do. No. It’s…you.” Tony said, smiling earnestly. “It’s Captain America. My favorite was always Captain America.”

Steve blushed a little at the compliment, before it clicked. “Wait.”

“Yes.”

“You thought it was me.”

“Yes.”

“You thought you were kissing me!”

 

Tony raised his hands in defense. “You guys look alike. You cannot deny he looks a lot like you.” He said quickly. “He’s not as tall as you and his ass is not as good as yours and his hair’s a bit darker but he was wearing the cowl so I didn’t see that.” He was full rambling now. “And his eyes are not as deep and old as yours, he’s just a kid with powers, he didn’t go through hell and back to gain them so he could help the people he loved. And the way he kissed me felt wrong, there was no spark and no passion and you do nothing without passion, Steve I---”

 

Steve took only two steps to reach him and cup his cheeks, pressing their lips together almost desperately, pushing him back until Tony’s legs hit the side of the desk, pulling him to sit on it and stepping between his legs, pressing their bodies impossibly close.

Tony’s hands moved to his hair, messing it up as he hooked one leg around the other’s waist, deepening the kiss, making Steve taste the alcohol.

Steve felt almost as if it was affecting him but he knew he wasn’t drunk on booze but drunk on Tony, on the way he touched him. He let out a moan as Tony’s hands landed on his ass, squeezing it tightly.

He pushed Tony further on the desk, half laying on top of him and letting his kisses trail south on Tony’s chin and his neck, feeling the faint sound of metal and glass crashing on the ground but not quite caring until someone cleared their throat and the two of them turned to look at the door.

 

“Get out of my office.”

Fury ordered as he stood there, a vein on his temple pulsing quickly.

Steve shot up immediately and pulled Tony up with him, glancing over to see both the airplane model and one of the frames on the ground, in pieces.

“Sir…”

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

“Yes sir!”

 

Steve nodded, grabbing Tony’s wrist quickly and leading him away before the other could make any witty remark, continuing to walk until he was sure they were far away enough then stopping and pressing Tony against a wall, returning to kiss him until they were both breathless and panting, pulling back just enough to breath.

“Fuck Rogers.”

Tony moaned, licking and nipping the Captain’s lower lip. “That was hot.”

Steve smirked, moving closer again, brushing their lips together teasingly.

“Flame on.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: 'wow, you ever noticed Johnny Storm is identical to Steve?' of the 'Tic Tac Stony' challenge
> 
> Clint is a cowboy like the videoclip of Trouble.  
> Nat is Ghost in the Shell.  
> Hill has the same hockey costume she wears in HIMYM.  
> Bruce is dressed as a cop, looking like he does in Shutter Island.
> 
> ((English is not my first language. Feedback is very welcome!))


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